I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the liver wants what the liver wants
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
