You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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