What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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