ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
