i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
