I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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