I think my vagina is haunted
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
