nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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