i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
