oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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