How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
