a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
