i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
