sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
