I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
