is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
