I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
