Welp...herpes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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