True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
