so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
