bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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