i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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