I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
