1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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