so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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