Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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