It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
two words: eviction party
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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