she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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