this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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