I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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