I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
