If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
