I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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