I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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