Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
