i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
