so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
