Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
