Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
