On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
