Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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