hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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