Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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