i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
