I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
