batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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