I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
