my mouth tastes like poor choices
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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