u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
