Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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