vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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