I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
