he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
