Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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