He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
