I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
